


Roadkill

by wearetheonlyone



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: CURSED FIC, Cursed, Gen, This isnt my fault, dont let me near word at all, i was listening to a podcast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-18 12:15:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17580656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wearetheonlyone/pseuds/wearetheonlyone
Summary: 13, seeing roadkill: YUM-the fam: DOCTOR NO-akaa cursed fic that im blaming a podcast for where jodie says she wanted to try squirrel





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hetzi_clutch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hetzi_clutch/gifts).



> i hate me  
> dont read this

"Doctor, why is your driving so off today?!" screamed Yaz. 

Currently, the Doctor's companions were clinging onto the orange crystals that were decorated around the console room. The TARDIS continued to swing and crash around the time vortex- or at least what they assumed was the time vortex since they couldn't actually see the screens. Graham looked ill as his body was pressed up against the console painfully, and Ryan had both his arms and his legs wrapped around the crystal next to Graham. Yaz, however, was across the room from the two of them, with her wrists wrapped around one of the bars on the console, the metal digging into her skin. The Doctor seemed to be unaffected by this whole ordeal and was piloting the TARDIS as if nothing was wrong, except she was more focused than she had ever been before.

"I'm chasing something!" replied the Doctor.

"Could you chase it a bit slower?" yelled Graham from across the room, the several different sandwiches he had eaten for lunch threatening to reappear for round two.

"If I go any slower, I'll lose it!" said the Doctor, suddenly lurching her body to another panel of the console.

"What are you even chasing, Doctor?" asked Ryan- his breath heavy against the orange, glowing crystal.

"A squirrel!"

With those two words, her companions became furious, and were each fuming separately, was the Doctor secretly some form of a dog? Suddenly, before her companions could ponder on their anger anymore, the TARDIS lurched to a halt and there as a loud crash against the doors of the ship. The Doctor's face lit up when she heard the crash echo through the ship. She sprinted across the room as the humans collapsed onto the ground and tore open the doors. On the ground was a squirrel that had been hit by the TARDIS as they had landed. Yaz, who was surprisingly still standing after that, was able to see the squirrel on the ground and her mouth hung open in shock.

"Doctor, why have you hit a squirrel with the TARDIS?" asked Yaz. Her voice was quiet as she couldn't muster the strength to argue with the excited blonde who, as she said that, was scooping the squirrel off the ground and examining it, and then running back into the ship.

"New taste buds! I've been wanting to try a squirrel for weeks!" replied the Doctor. She was excited as she bounced up and down with the squirrel in her arms.

Graham and Ryan had noticed now, and they joined Yaz with their mouths hanging open as the Doctor vanished down the corridor with the carcass in tow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooo we are back for a continuation  
> i was actually gonna write decently for this but then i gave up after two words so its a mess that i wrote after arguing about high school musical

"Doctor, you can't eat the squirrel! It's not hygienic!" protested Yaz, as she ran after the Doctor in an attempt to keep up with her after she _very_ quickly vanished down the corridor of the ship, towards the kitchen.

"It's also proper gross" added Ryan, from further behind all of them. He wanted to see where this was all going, but also didn't want to run or get too close in case the Doctor did actually eat the squirrel. Meanwhile, Graham refused to follow the Doctor at all.

"Sure I can! I've seen loads of humans eat squirrels- and some of you eat frogs! Little slimey frogs! Reminds me of the Solitract which isn't what I would like to eat. I would like to get thrown by it again though, that was a very fun experience I can say," replied the Doctor. Her tone suggested that her friends were accusing her of something obscene, and to her, she wasn't doing anything obscene yet her friends seemed to believe that it was.

"I mean, you're right but that doesn't mean you should do it too!" yelled Yaz, as the Doctor vanished around a corner of the corridor. 

When both Yaz and Ryan had finally rounded the corner (Yaz had waited a few minutes for Ryan to catch up- not entirely prepared for the sight), they were welcomed with the sight of a small, wooden door left slightly ajar. From the outside, they could both hear the Doctor screaming and yelling in panic as she most likely attempted to cook the squirrel on her own. They all had seen the Doctor use the toaster in the morning, and every day she set it on fire so it got to the point where she as banned from even touching the toaster at all- and the TARDIS seemed to agree with that decision. As they approached the door closer, the scent of smoke filled their noses and they both knew at that moment she had either completely charred the squirrel or herself.

Yaz reached forward and pushed open the door to the kitchen and it fell open to reveal the normal room, except it wasn't filled with smoke and flames as they had imagined from the outside- and they both assumed that this was due to the TARDIS looking out for the Doctor as she is often being a disaster both on and off the ship. The two of them stepped into the room, slowly, cautiously and they could see the Doctor leaning against the counter of the kitchen, a fork in one hand and a plate in the other.

Her face lit up when she noticed that they had entered. "Oh! Took you lot long enough to get in here! Want any?" she asked, gesturing her fork wildly at the plate in her hand- the... _object_ on it threatening to skid and fall.

"No offence, Doctor, but that actually looks disgusting," said Ryan.

She scrunched up her face in response. "It does a bit, doesn't it?" Her eyes looked down at the plate as she shrugged loosely. "It can't hurt."

The Doctor lifted the food to her mouth, and it was completely burnt on the outside but somehow cooked perfectly on the inside. She barely lasted two seconds before she turned around and spat out the food into a nearby bin before running over to the sink where she placed her mouth under the tap.

"It can hurt! A lot! Very bad- I would not recommend!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @sullencity  
> tumblr: @custardcreamgay  
> i take prompts on both if you have any ideas you want me to do

**Author's Note:**

> i said dont read it  
> read my other (non cursed) fics


End file.
